Friday, February 10, 2012

Gardeners, horny vaginas, parallel universes, and my blog

Periodically a few times a day I obsessively check my blog statistics. I don't know why: it's the same five of you who drop by here all the time. Or maybe it's just me looking at my own blog, except my Google stat thingamabob says I have visitors from China, Australia, Germany, the UK and Canada, so I guess it's not me, unless it's five parallel universe me's from other countries. (Which makes me wonder how you would say "Zippy" in Chinese, you know, just in case I run into my Chinese parallel universe self at some point. Could happen.)

Anywho, I just wanted to tell the five of you that as I took a gander at my stat pages a few minutes ago, I was bamfoozeled to find that someone used a stream of Bloggess-worthy search keywords to find my site: "gardener also has to stuff horny vagina."

Wow. Just wow. I really don't recall writing a single post yet that talks about a vagina, much less a horny one. Much less a horny one that must be stuffed. By a gardener. First of all, I'm not totally sure why someone would even type those search words, but obviously they have a gardener fetish. Or they're a really horny gardener. Secondly, I have no idea why my blog would come up when someone typed those keywords, unless I'm a porn writer in one of those parallel universes and my blog in that parallel universe is a porn site.

However, it occurs to me that in another parallel universe this person must have typed "gardener also has to stuff greasy bacon," and so found my blog that way.  It just got translated to my Google stats through a weird time/space continuum black hole warp thingamajig as porn keyword terminology. That totally makes sense to me.

2 comments:

  1. First time here, my eyes teared up from laughing so hard as I read this. Hilarious!

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  2. Hi Rocio,

    Glad you enjoyed the post! I'll probably be posting some more about the search terms used to find my blog, because they are highly amusing. I could probably just write posts on these search terms - the posts could practically write themselves!

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