Sunday, December 4, 2011

Merry Christmas, Y'all

Yes, I'd love some bacon for Xmas, Santa!
Why yes, I've been woefully inept at updating my blog this past month, despite all of my best intentions to put up a post each week. Of course, I doubt that the five of you who have ever read this blog really care, but just in case, my apologies. I don't really have a whole lot of time right now to post much, and in case I don't get up another post until next Christmas, I just wanted to tell the five of you, in the famous Texan vernacular, "Merry Christmas, Y'all." 

 If you're an atheist or someone from another religion who gets easily offended by any vague mentions of Christianity, get over it. I'm an ex-fundamentalist Christian who now has relatively Eastern ideas about spirituality that don't include white European old guy concepts about God, so I can say that. If you're a fundamentalist Christian who is easily offended that I just said that about God, get over it, too.  Really, all of y'all just need to get a sense of humor. And that includes vegan-types who are probably incensed about my caption for the photo above. No, I really don't want Santa to give me the huge pig that he's using to deliver gifts this year since he had to lay off all the reindeer because of the economy. Oh great, now I hear small children wailing in the distance. Really, kids, just because Santa had to lay off the reindeer and use a fat hog who won't get off his ass doesn't mean Christmas is ruined. Really. Probably.

Well, now that I have offended all five of you, all the small children in the world, and the few other folks who have strayed upon this blog, I guess I'd better stop before I get too carried away. Again, my apologies. I really don't know what came over me, really. I'm not usually like this. I blame God, the economy, and the lack of bacon I've experienced lately, especially the lack of bacon. Santa, you'd better hurry up with the damn bacon before I go off the deep end and offend somebody else, like the Pope or Ricky Perry, who thinks he's the Pope, I mean, the President, I mean, the Dictator of Texas. Oh shit, there I go again. Hopefully Perry's press folks don't monitor social media. At least I'm not using Twitter or Facebook. Yet.

I need to just shut up now and go find my own damn bacon.

Merry Christmas, Y'all.


PS: To be honest, I actually have a Twitter account, but I don't think I've posted on it in about a zillion years. I really don't know how to use it very well, and I think if you don't know how to use something very well, you shouldn't use it around other people, at least until you actually learn to use it. Sort of like using a gun if you've never had a lesson in how to use it. I'm afraid I'll shoot my foot off, or someone else's, so to speak. And as for Facebook, my alterego (ie, the so-called "real me") actually has one under her own real name. But she doesn't know how to use it very well either, and she's not terribly funny or witty when she does. Maybe someday I as Zippy the Poet will have my own Facebook account, I have no idea. Neither I nor my alterego/real self understands what the hell the fuss is about with either Twitter or Facebook anyway. Guess that means we're old foggies. And in case you suspect me of having multiple personality disorder, well, yer damn right. I told you I'm a Gemini, didn't I?

PPS: I just realized I violated my own policy of not slagging people. But I only vaguely slagged Ricky Perry, and as a politician he gets slagged so much I figure he's immune to it. Telling atheists, religious people and vegans to get a sense of humor isn't slagging them - some of them (not all of them) are frightening humorless and need to get a grip. Also, I still need bacon, so I'm not responsible for my actions right now. I'll try not to slag anymore politicians as soon as I get my hands on some bacon. Promise.